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Woman 2 Woman
by
Cinnamon Brown
(Part 4)
My train of thought derailed when I reached the Delaware Water Gap and realized I had been driving nearly 2 hours and I had not stopped to eat and my bladder was about to explode. I started to have regrets about leaving Kevin behind.
I wanted to turn around go back to my Queens apartment and get answers to the questions in my mind I hate when I act without thinking. I didn't hate Kevin but the way I just acted said something different I wondered what he was thinking what was going on through his mind then something else struck me should I be asking myself some questions like where did we go wrong? It's funny how people often forget that relationships work both ways and sometimes the male species doesn't tell us women what they need until the situation has blown up.
Dang I wish I hadn't tossed my cell I wish I could call him and find out what happened between us 6 months or more ago. Kevin and I had something special something rare he completed my circle or so I believed I did not want to let that go I was hurt, angry, confused, sad, and a number of other emotions that I cannot name. I began to wonder about Tisha was she more understanding than me did she listen when he complained about how hard it is being a black man. I wasn't very good in that area I always told him that he was making excuses and as long as he did he would never survive in this world.
Tisha on the other hand probably understood because she had black brothers and uncles who had it rough in life. I on the other hand am an only child and am the product of a white father who is a Psychiatrist, hence the reason I am always trying to analyze everyone. I just never believed in the black man scorned by slavery for generations to come. I always said it happened it was God's will now get over it and do not let their labor be in vain.Maybe it's my fault maybe Tisha was a real sister with black parents who felt Kevin's pain maybe she struggled grew up in the hood and could relate to Kevin. Maybe that was why he creeped I mean do not get me wrong my mama is a black woman who is proud to be black but she never complained or allowed me to put limits on myself because my skin was slightly tan.
Kevin thinks my life was great because I was "mixed" that I had it easy cause my dad is white but trying being a product of a bi-racial marriage in the south. I think deep down inside Kevin has never really accepted the fact that I think I am just as black as he is. I pictured Tisha as a typical Brooklyn hoodrat one from Bedford-Stuyvesant that wears a lot of jewelery, rolls her neck when she speaks and uses the n word frequently. Kevin always told me I was different from any chick he had ever met I felt the same about him.
Kevin didn't treat me like a trophy like most guys we were cool we laughed and joked I thought our relationship was cool I mean there were a few differences but we lasted 5 years. I sighed hard pulled into a Mcdonalds I wasn't exactly sure were I was but I knew it was somewhere's in PA I grabbed some quarters out of the ashtray and called Tia. When she picked up she yelled" Naomi where are you girl Kevin has called me 50 11 times why yall trippin" I wasn't ready to give her everything right then and there so I said "Chill I'll holler at you in a few I am almost there I had to stop and get some grub".. "Alright Naomi drive safe" I hung up walked into the gas sation next to McDonalds bought a pack of Marlboro Lights I hadn't smoked a cigarette in 4 years Kevin hated the habit so I kicked it. I hacked with the first drag but after that I became reaquainted with my friend Nick (nicotine). I thought about calling Kevin but decided against it.
I got back in my car and continued with my trip. I turned on some music I had been driving in silence for 3 hours I needed to break that so I listened to a Billy Holiday album. I started crying when "Good Morning Heartache" played. I missed Kevin I wanted to make it better but how...?
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