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San Francisco Story
"Yeah you! I see you almost every morning, just after 7:30 at this bus stop.
And, if you don't show up on time, or don't show up at all, I'm too depressed to
leave my apartment."
"Yeah, that's right hot stuff! I watch you leave your apartment building and
saunter, I mean SAUNTER, across the street to the bus stop for the 22 Fillmore."
Are you talking to me?
"You bet I'm talking to you! The way you walk, the way you move, I mean MOVE,
shaking that sweet little money-maker of yours...it ought to be a crime, a
wonderful, juicy, sticky, hot, wet crime!"
"No doubt about it, I'm in love! L-O-V-E love!"
But, you're a girl.
"Honey you, are my shining star, don't you go away...lalalalala..."
I'm a girl.
"You most certainly are! Such a girl!"
I don't swing that way.
"How do you know? You ever tried it? You might like it, and I'd like to be your
Seriously, I'm not gay.
"That's what you think...but I can see it. You are the one that I've been
No, I'm not. Really. Isn't there somewhere else that you need to be right now?
"Alright? I'VE NEVER BEEN BETTER! I'm getting you to talk to me, to look at me.
All those mornings of watching you glide, yeah babe, you glide, to the bus
stop...all those mornings of waving from my window, but you don't look up, you
don't see. You never noticed me, never. Not until now."
I don't want to be insensitive about this...if I give you some money, will you
"I watch you on warm Saturday afternoons, up on your roof top across the street,
with your chaise lounge and boom box. I imagine what you look like under your
periwinkle blue swimsuit, I FEEL your skin against mine. My groin aches, it's
like an electrical spark. You must, you HAVE to feel it too. It's too strong to
"No! No talk. Just let me look..."
"Oh! Lookie here! It's the bus! Watch me now. Watch me! That's right...just
WATCH! I am getting on the bus! Are you still watching? Oh, you are? Good! "'Cuz,
I"VE GOT MESSAGE FOR YOU! Look, look! I'm here, can't you see me? Oh, there you
go...yeah, out the back window of the bus. You got it Baby...now watch and
listen...I mean, LISTEN! Before this bus pulls away...I want to say... the
brassiere that I'm wearing is older than you. My bunions are killing me. I'm
having a hot flash as I speak, and I'm not particularly thrilled about the
"waste of time," otherwise known as employment, that I am compelled to attend
daily and, in fact, is the very place where I'm headed to now. All this on top
of the fact that I simply am not gay... With all that in mind, just exactly how
"hot and juiced-up" are you expecting me to become? Byeeeee.........
What? You've never seen a woman have a menopausal rant before?
Oh, get over it.
Honest. Now, quit starring at me or I'll let you know exactly what "deflated
balloons" look like! What was that Baby thinking...
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