The Writer's Voice
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Message to Parents
No I can't be all that you want me to. No I can't live the life you want me to eventually see. No I can't see the positive outcomes of your negative messages. No wonder you can't see life the way I do - you only notice the things I can't, don't, and won't do.
Out of all the times you have talked to me there have only been a fingerful of times when I could truly say I came out with a real true smile. But every single other one (countless) ended up with the feeling of wanting to truly kill my self.
It left me empty, feeling like nothing I can do will work. As if everything that I had done meant s**t, which means everything I eventually do will soon have the same dam meaning.
Nothing is ever good enough. Nothing. You use examples from other kids that you know about responsible things that they do etc but don't see that they themselves gawk at the amount of stuff we have to do.
I feel bad when all my friends say what
great parents I have because they truly could never understand. It seems like
this family is just a freaking show and I am just another actor. They all see us
as the perfect modern age family with nothing
A suicidal son, stressed-out mother, an angry and neglected son, a worried son, a rushed father, an overachieved sister, and a spoiled princess.
We all just wear our happy faces and move on to hope the next day will be one of the too few good ones.
I could put and have put myself in your shoes countless times and all that I can see is stress. This is where all the problems are sourced from. It is this stress that attacks you which is vented towards us in anger. Like every single thing we do is wrong. Every single step we take to try to help is just another step back.
Maybe what we need is less.
Maybe we just see too much to have and so
buy it with stress and depression. We need less anger, you need less stress.
Less stress means less work, less work
This family has upsized too much, it has truly proven the depressive state that capitalization and consumptionism has toiled down to.
I don't need a huge anything, I don't need money that I can't pay back, I don't need responsibilities and commitments that I can't, don't, and won't see my self carrying out.
Simplify, that's the answer to all questions. Maybe its the answer to ours.
You will never see this reply because it
would be selfish for me to show it to you. The last thing that you need in your
life is an answer from someone that never speaks. The last thing I would would
want to do right now would be to bring you down any more than you already are,
'cause then you just might be as low as
I think I was born this way, maybe it was grieving a death that brought it to me. Maybe it is the constant teasing of being stupid and slow at everything. I don't see what the matter is in taking your time with things. The last thing I want to be in would be in a constant rush.
I see where that leads yet I am teased for not doing it. Why? I am called after a turtle because I don't get ready as fast, my name is groaned as a joke because I don't want to rush. Why?
I have already been caught in the act of
contemplating death yet still I question it every single day. I wake up in the
mornings and wake up to a rush. I fear
I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments I can't live life with commitments . I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments. I can't live life with commitments.
I can't look forward to a plan. Yet it seems as if you have my life planned out. You give me plenty of freedoms that lots of my friends don't have, yet you restrict so much of my time that it seems that I can never see them. On every single one of my days off, I know you expect me to be doing chores.
I have come to the point where I now expect
myself to be on them. But to say that I can't have friends with me because you
don't think that anything will get done,
Never have I come out of a conversation with the feeling that I had one. Someone else always has the last word - no one will ever understand.
The kids haven't changed, the parents have...
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