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 A Father, But Not a Father


Ryan Evans

Tribute :I want to dedicate this to my mum and her best mate, without them
I wouldn't be where I am today there the key to my inspiration and devotion

Chapter 1

The unheard cry

Childhood is the making of an adult, the reinforcement of self teaching where we learn from right and wrong. Being able to look up at our biological parents as role models to how we should behave later on. But i put forward a story that will show that even as adults they still get it wrong how to set an example or just plainly to not know what they have lost until they lose it. This will reveal that a minority are selfless and their children's upbringing is of no matter, but not wanting to know or be with their children is worst of all.

Joseph remained stationary reflecting on his childhood memories that began to frighten him, not purely of the pain and desolate he had gone through, but visually seeing his brother and sisters also experiencing the heartache of the continual let downs from their father. The deprivation of his brother of a father figure was of complete torture, the pain that had once surged through his own body that made him believe he was worthless is an unacceptable pressure and weight upon that of a child, being his brother. Joseph would curiously search the interior of his mind for explanations to why he had been treated this way, but also admiring his alleged father figure that hadn't remained by his side for the person he had now become. Now older and respectively matured, the cruel intent of his father's unloving actions and words gave him physical and mental stability which seemed rather unusual, but it provided him with the strength to no longer allow him to suffer, to be able to travel around his area as though he deserved to be there and not hide his face from those that used to mock him.

A silvery tear streamed from his left cheek as he stared into the darkness from his bedroom window, Joseph was a sensitive and shy child which was implemented in him like a scalpel to skin over time, after being constantly teased and provoked viciously, from his father and friends who received self-satisfaction from hurting an innocent child at their hands, to be centre of attention and not to realize by doing so the pain caused, the ripping in his heart as their voices over crowded the room attacking Joseph's ear, the hatred that was presented although most was hid within his fathers over pitched laughter. Whilst at the route of it all was Joseph trying to shield himself from the treachery and his fathers continual outbursts towards him, allowing his friends to participate as though involved within a game not considering his feelings what so ever.

From the lack of unconditional love shown, Joseph found it hard to reveal his feelings, by not allowing his barrier to be lowered shut him out from the rest of the world in Defence of being hurt once again whilst the causer seemed to continue without no concern or that he had committed a wrong doing showing no remorse for his actions. Having a backbone whilst all this was happening made him determined to get through, to make his mother proud who had struggled all the years he was alive to raise her four children single parentally, without no income from the father. Thinking of the numerous times, he had shown his father's traits in his actions and gestures towards his mother who had always been there for him and deserved the respect, he overlooked everything except for the people who were closest to his frayle heart, who were his life even though he couldn't show it as efficiently...the ones who mattered.

Positively he acquired the ability to respect and take well care of people's feelings, this attribute he achieved from his mother to which he had examined over the years the tears she had shed from her unusually rich green eyes that shimmered in light as she poured her heart out from receiving and taking on her children's pain. On various accounts he had been told he was an exact replica of his mother with some unfortunate traits of his father and he'd grow up to be just like her, but hearing this as a child made Joseph rebel to the fact of children not wanting to be like there parents but now he understand the words that had been expressed to him, the meaning which wasn't apparent to his child like mind. His mother was a fine example of a loyal trustworthy friend, a character that could be counted on in times of need as well as generally, a person whose skills were unlimited all to provide and have the best for her growing children, a good mother! His gradual thinking on the window sill of his bedroom window made him cherish the delighted thoughts he had, which demonstrated the loving, supportive network of friends and family that had always been there even in moments when he had felt alone, yet still being moulded into the form of his mother as an adult would truly be an honour.

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