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Pat Gluck

So, there I was one day after my operation for skin cancer. I wasn't about to go out with those damned bandages on my nose. I'm probably as vain as anyone else, so I put myself under 'house arrest' for a couple of days.

As to my malady, let me tell you guys 'n gals out there that using a sun screen, when you're out in the elements, is th' way t' go! In all my 80 years I've been seeking the sun's rays by sun bathing. Hell, while in Africa I spent hours on the upper deck of my ship lying on a cot soakin' things up. I was so suntanned, my nickname was "Blackie."

But, as I understand it, the sun that shone down upon me, way back then, isn't the same nowadays. Seems we humans have raped the upper layer of our atmosphere with all sorts of ingredients from the modern conveniences we use every day. These 'thingsies' have ripped a hole in the previous cover between us and the sun. This, in turn, allows the suns' dangerous rays to shine right on us WITHOUT the 'filter' that used to protect our skins.

Well, at any rate, after all these years my doctor finally gave me the word that I had skin cancer. Fortunately, it's not the real bad one called "melanoma," it's just the type that rests on the surface of your skin without movin' around, from place to place, leading to your demise. It's kind'a like a wake up call. So the doctor made an appointment for me to have both spots removed by surgery. That means DIGGIN' them out with a KNIFE! If you think I was lookin' forward to THAT, you're crazy! But, there I was a day later and all prepared to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out in three days.

Since the 'operation' was on my nose, I asked the doctor if she could reduce the size of th' damn thing since it has been way too big all these years. Damned if she didn't reply in the negative to that request! Well, what-th'-hell, ya' win a few and ya' lose a few!

And, one day while in the middle of 'the big pond,' I was standing by the railing of my ship when I noticed this sailor tossing a big bucket of something overboard. Well, the 'contents' happened to be slop from the galley (kitchen) and the 'blob' he tossed merely floated in the air. Damned, 'it' did absolutely nothin', it just hung there in the air like a bloomin' cloud! I was waiting for 'it' to fall into the water, but instead 'it' slammed back into the face of the surprised sailor.

He was covered with all sorts of 'goo' and slime and smelly stuff! I do believe it was the most traumatic time in his young life and an incident he will NEVER forget! Hell, I'm even remembering it to this day, 'cause things were unfolding in front of my eyes in complete SLOW MOTION!

But, as with life itself, that youngster sure learned a lesson: "Put a finger in your mouth, hold it up in the air and find out which way the friggin' wind is blowin'!!!"

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