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Goodbye Charlie Sparkler Commercial
by
Ofavon
The prompt was a photograph of an electric chair.
“Operators are standing by! 1-800-565-0894!”
“These are not your cheap roadside antique hot seats folks. These are your
heavy duty high octane ‘eee-lektriks’ - every last one of ‘em with a jailhouse
history. This beauty you see here comes from the Florida State Penitentiary
and autographed personally by Warden Sparks!”
“It’s a sad fact of life we don’t fry people like we done before. Now it’s
all injections -- so let’s get back to basics, folks. You can own your own
Goodbye Charlie Sparkler Electric Chair. Can’t you see yourself in this beauty
watching television in your living room, or maybe sitting on the front porch
tilted back with your feet up on the railing - sitting there waiting for the
mailman?”
“1-800-565-0894. Operators are standing by.
For only three payments of $39.95 each this solid oak electric chair with
original steerhide shackles for head, arms and ankles and heavy duty copper
electrodes will be on its way to you. For the first 50 callers the Goodbye
Charlie
Sparkler will include a black canvas drawstring hood.”
“Don’t forget folks, this historic offering is fully operational and almost
entirely harmless. Goodbye Charlie Sparkler comes with a step-down transformer
to bring the voltage down from 2200 to 110. It is no more painful than
sticking your finger in a light socket. Invigorating and recommended by the
American
Medical Association. If your sex life has you on edge, if you can’t sleep at
night for fear of what’s coming tomorrow, Goodbye Charlie Sparkler will give
you a leg up on the competition.”
“1-800-565-0894. Operators are standing by.
“Let me introduce you to Maudie Bollinger -- Maudie how do you like your
Goodbye Charlie Sparkler?”
“OH I can’t tell how much I love my Goodbye Charlie Sparkler. My husband,
George had no life in him at all. He’d come home from his job at the bottling
plant all tuckered out. Couldn’t hardly finish his supper, he’d plunk himself
down on the sofa and be out like a light before Hollywood Squares come on.”
“Then what, Mrs. Bollinger?”
“Well I called 1-800-565-0894, (there was an operator standing by) and I
ordered me up an ebony Goodbye Charlie Sparkler, the same one that fried that
Bruno Hauptman fella. It came in no time at all and I set it up in front of the
TV. Well anyways, George set himself down in it and I plugged it in. Well! You
never seen a man come alive so fast in all your born days. He’s been a new man
ever since! Sexy, I’ll say ... scandalous. All charged up I guess.”
“Thanks a lot, Maudie Bollinger for that great endorsement. And that’s why
you folks out there in TV land should call Goodbye Charlie Sparkler right now.
You could be revitalizing your man too. Call 1-800-565-0894 -- operators are
standing by to take your call.”
The End
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