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Conjugal Rights



(The prompt was an angry Prince and Princess standing in a castle doorway.)

Felicia’s mother opened the door cautiously. She gasped in amazement when she saw her daughter and Prince Gowanus standing there. They were married just yesterday! They were supposed to be in Niagara Falls!! They didn’t look like newly-weds at all; they looked very displeased with each other.

She backed into the lavish entry hall in dismay, Prince Gowanus rudely shoved Felicia through the doorway and followed her inside. “Here!” He shouted. “Take her back! Tell your King and his court the wedding is off.”

The Queen did her best to placate the Prince, “... but why Sir Gowanus,” she smiled, throwing her arm around her truculent daughter, Felicia. “Tell me, what can be wrong with you two. It was such a lovely wedding, and our two kingdoms are such good neighbors now, we have settled all our major differences. This marriage was supposed to have been made in Heaven. What on earth has gone wrong?”

“My conjugal rights, Madam... the wench has no conception of my conjugal rights.” Felicia gathered her ermine stole about her ample bosom and rolled her eyes in disgust.

“But that’s impossible, dear boy. She has been trained by experts -- even her brother, Prince Wastrel, has assured me Felicia is most knowledgeable in these matters. The entire court, to a man, can vouch for her.” The Queen turned and looked sternly at Felicia. “You didn’t deny Prince Gowanus his conjugal privileges, did you Felicia?”

“Of course I did, Mama,” Felicia replied haughtily, pulling her ermine wrap tightly about her. “You really didn’t expect me to stoop to such indulgences. A lowly seamstress would not do such things ...” her eyes flashed fire, “Let alone a Princess!”

The Queen was in a quandary. She knew the King would be furious and the relations between the two nations would be set back hundreds of years. How could she possibly heal the breach between these two newlyweds. “It takes a little time, you know... “ she ventured. “I mean getting used to each other and all that. I hope you weren’t too forceful, Sir Gowanus -- Felicia is a delicate child you know. Like a flower waiting to bloom.”

“Forceful Madame? Hardly! I asked her politely. I even held it in my hand and showed it to her -- “Fairy Tales” by the brothers Grimm. Mother always read it to me at bedtime!”

The End

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