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The Adventures Of Bruno The Drill Sergeant
by
Nathan Black
One day, as I was marching around the mall, I spotted a sniper in a crowd of innocent civilians. He was a
short little bugger — the Commies must have chosen him because he was almost invisible. But he obviously
wasn’t very smart, since he had an old rifle right in his grubby hands. Before he could even blink, I tackled
his sorry behind to the ground aand got a hold of the gun. I would have blown him away right there, but the
dang thing just clicked. In my moment of surprise, that sneaky little creep got up and ran into the toy store,
yelling for his Mommy like a yellow-bellied coward.
Well, saving the world from communism is hungry work, so I stopped by the Food Court and got a slice
of pizza. But as I sat down to enjoy, I noticed something very funny on top of the cheese. It was maybe
an inch across — and round, and red. I knew right off that those Soviets were trying to poison me
— you can’t hardly stop their schemes when you’re pukin’ your guts up. So I
threw the pizza away and cleared out of the area.
I marched around some more, and had almost finished my twenty-third circle around the fountain when I
saw another little Commie throwing a penny into the water! I tell ya, it made my blood boil to see that boy
mocking Abe Lincoln — our greatest President — right in the middle of our fine country. I felt like killing
him right there, but I controlled my anger and settled for just shoving that little Red in the water.
Ah, there’s no respect for the military these days. Some lady gave me a whole lot of crap for pushing that
spy into the fountain — said she was his mom, or some BS like that! It’s no wonder I have to keep my
guard up.
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