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The Spirited Debate Between Men and Women
by
Ken Bushnell
The other day, while going through a checkout line, I waited while the woman in front of me and
the female clerk had a delightful, engaging conversation. It was obvious from the content they
weren't acquainted, yet they found all manner of depth to the topics they discussed. Then I, a male,
came up to the counter and was greeted with short, curt replies designed to process me through as
quickly as possible. The difference was like night and day. This clerk was a pro at the spirited
debate between men and women.
Communication between the sexes should have been a more important issue over the last thirty
years as we integrated the work force. Some of its most basic premises have been ignored. While
the government mandated it, employers were forced to throw the sexes together, and we the people
were left to iron out the differences. Not an easy task.
Men and women are different. Our inherited makeup is so powerful that it sways meaning and
dignity in all our business and working communications. The rutting offensive by women on male
superiority in the workplace, by no means unfounded, only contributes to inefficiency where we
strive for increased productivity.
Our inherited roles are profound. The male of our species have been hunters and gatherers for
ages. As the larger and often stronger of the two it has been his job to protect and hunt.
Abhorrent behavior may have generated aggressiveness toward other
tribes or in establishing his
hierarchy in his own tribe or village. The female too, has inherited behavior associated with her
roles, duties and physical stature. She may have developed increased dexterity and communication
skills as the minor in physical size and duties inclined towards home and the
village. Protective
instincts may have been reinforced while she was rearing and Ogg was hunting. As intellectual
beings these roles have manifested themselves in our customs and cultures.
One intriguing difference that affects the workplace of modern day is how we communicate with
members of our own sex. Men are combative by nature. They appreciate a spirited debate that
allows bonding. Women communicate more openly and 'tell all' to coworkers at the slightest
provocation. Put more handsomely by Deborah Blum in her book Sex on the Brain: "Women in
general, cushion themselves with the company of others in a way that eludes men..." Citing
another author she quotes: "Men love to build hierarchies... Any traditionally male-dominated
organization - from military to the corporation - is based on a pecking order, a chain of
command.
Rules accommodate competition, even confrontation. Picking a fight can actually be a way for
men to relate to one another, check each other out, and take a first step toward friendship... and
this kind of bonding is alien to women, who see confrontation as causing painful, hard to mend
rifts in their feminine fabric of connection."
Hundreds if not thousands of generations have brought us to this point in time to throw us
together in the workplace. Rather than deal with the differences, naturally we make rules,
regulations and even laws in an attempt to control each other's behavior. We are successful, to a
degree, in establishing productivity with tools such as time lines, brain storming,
marketing plans,
etc., to guide workers in their efforts together. Productivity suffers as women find male
communication patterns disruptive and abrasive. Men are suspicious of women's ability to form
bonds.
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