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Could it be a Problem With My Puzzle?


Jennifer Mary Feinstein

A Dramatic Monologue


There was tension (pause), yes, there was a lot of tension. Avoiding his stares piercing through me. Oh, no, not piercing piercing, more a stare of infatuation, that's all it was. Or is that all I wanted it to be? The stares, he was enthralled with me, yes, plain Jane old ME. As this other rival band played on, we talked, we laughed, like we always do. But it was different. I was nervous, too nervous- didn't feel like I belonged there. But everything DID belong, like the last puzzle piece finally fitting in to a puzzle that you've worked on for a long time. And I was the last puzzle piece. And as we sat, one more song came on, a song about love. And when the singer muttered those three little words, he asked me. But then, the puzzle dropped on the floor, with all the pieces out of place, and I wasn't thrilled like I should have been. Instead, I felt woozy and dizzy, and a little sick, with that pit in the bottom of your stomach that makes you want to burst into tears, that pit of regret. But I don't know what came over me, the setting, that feeling of isolation while everyone was around, or the fact that I wanted to pick up my puzzle more then anything. But I said yes, and he gave me a kiss, and said he had to go. As he got up, I fell and staggered into the chair two inches away from me, dazed and confused as ever. Everyone wanted to know, so I told them. But again, that pit in my stomach got bigger, maybe too big. Why did I say yes? (pause) Believe me, it isn't him, its me. Yeah, sure, it is the oldest one in the book, usually associated with a lot of BS. But I mean this with everything I have, it IS me. It isn't BS this time. Could it be that what I've been thinking I am for all this time REALLY be what I am? Could it be that men don't phase me at all? Could it be that the only reason that I like men is because I was raised to see that men and women fit together? (sigh, long pause. I would really love to love him, but is that what's meant to happen? All the ingredients are here in this cooking pot for love, but maybe the only ingredient missing is (pause, realizes this unavoidable fate) me...

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