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Could it be a Problem With My Puzzle?
by
Jennifer Mary Feinstein
A Dramatic Monologue
There was tension (pause), yes, there was a lot
of tension. Avoiding his stares piercing through
me. Oh, no, not piercing piercing, more a stare of
infatuation, that's all it was. Or is that all I
wanted it to be? The stares, he was enthralled with
me, yes, plain Jane old ME. As this other rival
band played on, we talked, we laughed, like we
always do. But it was different. I was nervous, too
nervous- didn't feel like I belonged there. But
everything DID belong, like the last puzzle piece
finally fitting in to a puzzle that you've worked
on for a long time. And I was the last puzzle
piece. And as we sat, one more song came on, a song
about love. And when the singer muttered those
three little words, he asked me. But then, the
puzzle dropped on the floor, with all the pieces
out of place, and I wasn't thrilled like I should
have been. Instead, I felt woozy and dizzy, and a
little sick, with that pit in the bottom of your
stomach that makes you want to burst into tears,
that pit of regret. But I don't know what came over
me, the setting, that feeling of isolation while
everyone was around, or the fact that I wanted to
pick up my puzzle more then anything. But I said
yes, and he gave me a kiss, and said he had to go.
As he got up, I fell and staggered into the chair
two inches away from me, dazed and confused as
ever. Everyone wanted to know, so I told them. But
again, that pit in my stomach got bigger, maybe too
big. Why did I say yes? (pause) Believe me, it
isn't him, its me. Yeah, sure, it is the oldest one
in the book, usually associated with a lot of BS.
But I mean this with everything I have, it IS me.
It isn't BS this time. Could it be that what I've
been thinking I am for all this time REALLY be what
I am? Could it be that men don't phase me at all?
Could it be that the only reason that I like men is
because I was raised to see that men and women fit
together? (sigh, long pause. I would really love to
love him, but is that what's meant to happen? All
the ingredients are here in this cooking pot for
love, but maybe the only ingredient missing is
(pause, realizes this unavoidable fate) me...
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