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The Phoenix Girl

by

Heidi Yang

Top Web Results for "Phoenix"

1.Mythology: A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes.

2. A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty

Source: The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Copyright 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company



Where do I even begin this sordid, sad, and dark tale?

I suppose beginnings are always best so I will start there

All it took for hell to begin was my talent and a single letter

On second thought it wasnít me that started all this it was him,

On that fateful night last Thursday he started this nightmare

But is he willing to end it as well?

I would tell you of the whole awful tale, but it would take a day and a night to finish it

I will spare you the pain, anguish, and drama of such a disastrous thing but I must at least tell you the facts,

What he did was wrong, inexcusable, and just plain horrible,

My best friend betrayed my trust in him ( although inadvertently) and violated my body, even though he never took the last step

What is the last step?

I donít think you really want to know,

Besides, I cannot tell you that because I will not betray those that care about me

Ironically the people I must protect are the ones that have hurt me the most,

By any other definition they could be called traitors, thieves, even monsters (though some more than others)

Most would say that their intentions were true, noble, and good,

But even that cannot erase what they have done to me nor their bitter and harsh words

I will say this though yes I am responsible and yes, I will take some of the blame for all of this

Why wonít they?

I started all of this but at least I am willing to fix it

I have seen my wrongs and am trying to repair the damage I have done to everyone

Why wonít they do the same?

Many would say what I have done is unthinkable, unforgivable, and inexcusable

I will not hesitate to agree with you dear reader, but tell me are my so called Ďfriendsí really any better than I for the way they have treated me?

Yes, they see what is happening and they realize the truth but the actions they have taken are a pathetic excuse to show that they really care, for they are just as much to blame as I am,

But enough negativity, it has already poisoned everything too much

Now I must try desperately to move forward to be better than them, to truly rise above what has happened will take time and work

Repairing such damage is never easy but all I can do is try,

Try to move on, to get over what they have done to him and to me

I am trying so hard to love them yet they are still so cruel and the human heart can only take so much abuse,

I can move on and I will do what I can to help these so called friends of mine

People who I thought I could trust have ultimately betrayed me yet I still love them all

I try not to place blame, to point the finger, but these people have left me with no choice,

I must repeat this sorrowful tale however painful if only to heal myself inside and to expose some of my friends for what they really are

I will let you the reader be the judge of their actions and decide what to do

For my talent and art (which got me in trouble in the first place) is nearly all I have left,

That, and those brave souls who choose to stay with me despite the unending hell that is my life

For those who care but do not know this story I thank you

I will be like the Phoenix which died and was reborn,

This bird-like creature rose from the ashes stronger, more powerful, and more full of life than ever before

I despise these situations and the people who choose to act this way,

I will forgive but I will never forget what you have done to me, or to him

Yet like the Phoenix I will rise from the ashes of this disaster stronger, resilient, and a better person,

I can no longer help those around me I can only help myself

What they choose to do is their choice

I can only hope that they too can learn the lesson of the mythical Phoenix and rise out of the ashes as beautiful and loving as ever

And hopefully like me they will only end up even more beautiful than before.

Heidi Yang 10/20/05

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