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Gotta Do It

by

Heidi Yang

Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture that spins like a broken record in my head
My head is so messed up,
So tired and sick
Iím so sick of being sick
I just want to be normal, I want what I can never have
Iíve known my whole life that Iím different
Different is good
Good is pleasant
Pleasant is nice
Nice guys finish last
No, nice guys get what they want
Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture is terrible
Terrible is what happened on Monday morning
Morning is supposed to be good and weíre not supposed
to have regrets,
But I do
Weíre supposed to trust our friends
But I donít
We need help sometimes
I know I do but itís so fucking hard
Donít tell me six months is a short time
Because itís not, not to me
Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture sucks
Sucks to live this way
Way too hard
Hard to figure out if Iíll be okay
Okay will find me someday
Someday canít come soon enough
Enough isnít enough
This shit must stop
Stop this goddamn voice in my head
Head hurts, it screams from the pain inside,
Inside Iím fucking fed up
Up is the only way out of this endless black hole
Holes filled my life
Life used to suck for me
Me, I am loved
Loved by many
Many can help me
But I know that I can finally help myself
Gotta stop the voices in my head
Stop that voice for good
Good isnít forever
Forever is the only time and place for that voice
This voice will be banished
Gotta get rid of it
This voice has gotta go
Gotta go forever

5/8/04

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