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Gotta Do It
by
Heidi Yang
Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture that spins like a broken record in my head
My head is so messed up,
So tired and sick
I’m so sick of being sick
I just want to be normal, I want what I can never have
I’ve known my whole life that I’m different
Different is good
Good is pleasant
Pleasant is nice
Nice guys finish last
No, nice guys get what they want
Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture is terrible
Terrible is what happened on Monday morning
Morning is supposed to be good and we’re not supposed
to have regrets,
But I do
We’re supposed to trust our friends
But I don’t
We need help sometimes
I know I do but it’s so fucking hard
Don’t tell me six months is a short time
Because it’s not, not to me
Gotta stop these negative thoughts
Stop this perpetual torture
Torture sucks
Sucks to live this way
Way too hard
Hard to figure out if I’ll be okay
Okay will find me someday
Someday can’t come soon enough
Enough isn’t enough
This shit must stop
Stop this goddamn voice in my head
Head hurts, it screams from the pain inside,
Inside I’m fucking fed up
Up is the only way out of this endless black hole
Holes filled my life
Life used to suck for me
Me, I am loved
Loved by many
Many can help me
But I know that I can finally help myself
Gotta stop the voices in my head
Stop that voice for good
Good isn’t forever
Forever is the only time and place for that voice
This voice will be banished
Gotta get rid of it
This voice has gotta go
Gotta go forever
5/8/04
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