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Force Majeure


Gareth Wheele

I think this time It might go ok,
I've given it some thought & really there is only one thing that I should do.
I learnt to love myself,
now I want to be able to share something unique between us.
your description of Karma to me made so much more sense than my interpretation,
I think it was because I realised that this path I
happenstanced upon was now leading me to a view more real than ever before,
all that I have become.
I sometimes feel like I'm a lie to myself,
the cosmic joke,
I know how to laugh at myself but can feel the fear of others when I do the same to them,
thats the big thing,
we are all not the same,
but we share something if not everything of this world,
and somewhere along the lines however much you want the message to be understood,
that can not always be so.
My biggest regrets are always the ones where after the event I play them over and over ,
changing them to meet my demands and expectations of how it could or should have been.
My biggest lows are the ones where I feel so sad that days
can pass and all I can do is learn to move on and forget what was.
The movie of my life will never be shown and that is the way I want it to be.
The book of my life will never get further than a few scribbled down pages
left to turn to dust and buried amongst all the other could have beens
because again that is how I want it to be.
I find it hard enough to just remember how to not be what an empty shell of my former self is,
and on my good days I feel such pure elation that I go beyond,
but right now I am sat here,
yes here,
and some who read this will know where here is,
others will read and see where their here is.
And would you swop your here for others?
Could you at a momentry glance give everything for another?
I used to have ideals but then I realised that so did everyone else
and my ideals really are not that important,
I feel my sage soul wanting release from behind these eyes,
and on the occasions I escape I realise at some point I have to come back,
to experience it all again.
This time I might get it right,
I hope you understand this.
I tried to set myself free.
With freedom comes the naked truth of responsibility.
Knowing that I can make a difference.
To you,
all I give is this,
yes this.
I reached a point in my childhood where I lost something,
I fought so hard to get it back,
fleeting glimpses can bring it back.
World weariness,
love rejected fool my self.
connected deep spin inward eye.
This time around.
(I am learning to see WthOroRugDhS and give you the one thing I can within wLoOrVdEs).

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