The Writers Voice
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Some time ago,
on a cold winter night, a boy asked me, "Why do you
look so unhappy?" Words were echoing in the empty
air. I looked away. Snowflakes swirled in the dark
sky. I hid my sight between dimmish stars.
question was still on my mind. He had noticed the
sadness in my eyes. The dejection, I thought, was
A soft sunbeam caressed my cheek, while a cool
breeze was playing with my hair. Slowly I opened my
eyes. Stretching out my bare feet on a grey seat
cover, I sensed the light, swaying rhythm of the
bus, that had lasted for hours. Drowsily I pushed
the bag, which was replacing a pillow at the
moment, further. It was still early in the morning.
Summer. Freedom. And adventures?
Who was I then? Fair, wispy hair on the back, pale
green eyes, jeans round the hips and a back-bag on
tanned shoulder. Without past and future, I
only to that brief moment, when you saw me. And you
didn't need to know more.
Last stop. I was standing on a bottom stair of a
and watched morosely in front of me. Heavy, opaque
I landed with a light jump on a crumbled pavement.
already I felt how the ringlets cleaved clammily to
face and water drops reached down from the neck.
Finally I knocked at a wide, brown door. As it
slipped quickly to a poky entry and pulled a soaked
top over my head.
Few hours later the sun was shining again. Air,
because of the fresh rain, blended with dust that
beneath my feet. I was walking along a sandy road.
And one moment I was standing there. At His
watched blatantly into coffee-colored eyes that
me long. From top to bottom. Trouble.
Next summer days... Laughter, looks, touches... And
something, I didn't know how to name, fascinated
I was sitting on a swing. An old tree, to which it
attached, left long shadows on the ground while
sunset gilded everything around me. Silence.
Dreaminess was broken by a sure voice. "I have
to do this for a long time!" As I lifted my eyes, I
saw Him in front of me. A simple kiss. However, I
a cold and a hot sparkle running on my back. Which
up, which down, between that I couldn't tell the
difference any more.
An hour later I was sitting in a bus. Again. Before
falling asleep, I knew already that I would forget
Him. Summer night lightened a tiny silver heart on
neck - a fading memory. Only light-blue moon in the
sky looked at me with a mocking smile.
I shivered my shoulders. New Year's Eve. Even so I
standing on a balcony and let a chilly winter night
spite me. A darkness sprawled around me. Alone.
say this night is magical. Closing my eyes, I was
His arms. And I liked being there. Maybe too much.
From the remembrance shook me up the hollow voice
clock. Midnight. The end of old and the beginning
Days, months went by. Stifling heat motioned that
time to go. But wherever staying, I threw hidden
glances around me. Always accompanied by a little
to find someone I knew.
I looked at white sand on my toes. The same road.
time, only a year later. Suddenly I felt a strong
grasp round my wrists and ground disappeared under
feet. It seemed that He would like to shake me
like a kitten.
So close. I didn't even try to release myself.
was something menacing in His pose. Angry and hurt.
Discouragingly I stood back one step.
Morning sunlight tickled me awake. I pushed the
blanket hastily to the floor and grabbed at the
I stepped on dampish cobbles. Town, beneath the
was asleep. For now. Dropping my head down, I
inaudibly. Cool water on my face consoled.
I sat on the first leaving train. Grey. I lifted
on the seat and leaned against cold glass.
Wind arose into a storm and somewhere flashed
lightening. Deafening rumble. A thunderbolt
up the leaden sky.
I winced. And detected tears in my eyes. Damn... I
Time passed. Suddenly I noticed Him. Coming towards
me. I lapsed lower and lower on my seat.
Nameless looks gazed at us. I heard the voice, but
couldn't understand the words. I stood up. Firm
hand caught me. "Who are you?"
Feeling that I'm free again, I fled. Just ran.
unknown streets. I stopped in front of a
glass wall. I
was looking into my own eyes. Myself. Something had
changed. Maybe... me?
I had to see Him. I didn't know what to say, but...
Purposefully I walked down the wintry street. I had
made up my mind.
An arm round my waist offered warmness. Next to
Everything seemed so fragile, perfect. Too precious
lose. And it scared me. Obliviously I disappeared into
"Don't you run away!" Taking fright, I inhaled
freezing air. It wasn't possible. How did He find
Weird. I couldn't hide my soul from Him.
"Tell me, what's wrong?"
I found myself on a dark-blue seat of an old and
bus. I was tired. Not a single thought, feeling.
I couldn't tell Him, that love was an illusion. I
didn't believe it myself any more.
I pulled a jersey tighter round the knees. Turning
head, I looked out, beyond my reflection. Inky
Cagey. Afar gleamed starry lights of an approaching
"This is my life. This is me."
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