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The Ugliest Women


Daniel W. Kneip

She applied a hearty helping of lipstick to her ridiculously large lips and then, fearing her efforts would go unnoticed, applied more! And there wasn’t a soul who could stop her!

"To my eyes then!" she jumped, eager to work her macabre magic on her face hoping to make herself look like a charm.

But charm she was not. Ugly already, what Sylvia needed was for someone to grab her arms, shake the make-up right out of her hands and slap her, if necessary, until she realized she was going from horrific to unsightly!

And just as she poured liquid make-up (the color of a rotting egg yolk) onto a value-sized sponge, a very ugly, six-legged bug climbed onto her counter top and he walked on three feet, held a pipe with his other two and heaven knows where his sixth foot was!

"It’s stashed somewhere! Worry not!" the bug smiled easily.

But Sylvia was not smiling. In fact, she nearly poked her eyes out so she wouldn’t have to look at the bug!

"You hideous beast!" she screamed at the little guy who blushed at the notion.

And they really were the two ugliest creatures under one roof and Sylvia had the wonderful idea of trying to pretty-up the bug just as she "prettied" herself up.

So she gently grabbed the bug and presented an eyeliner pencil.

"This is for around your eyes. To make them stand out," she told him, even though his eyes already protruded wildly enough!

And what the bug really wanted was to bite someone so he did just that! He bit Sylvia on the finger and she screamed and squashed that guy but good! Then, being ever resourceful, she rolled the bug up in a ball and stuck him on her chin and wore him as a mole.

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