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Nelson Never Helps


Daniel W Kneip

Nelson always said he would bend over backward to help a friend in need. Turns out he was only saying that to be nice and he hand no intentions of helping anyone with anything! Ever! Why, he had every excuse in the book to get out of helping someone, and I think he even had Volumes two and three tucked away just in case! I remember calling him one day and asking him to help me spell a word. He said he just started a load of laundry and his "helping clothes" were in the wash so he couldn't help and then he hung up real quick!

Other excuses ranged from his feet hurt to there was a fly that was spying on him and he couldn't leave the house and the phone line wasn't secure. But probably craziest of all was the excuse he gave his best friend when she needed to borrow a few bucks for something. He told her all his money was counterfeit and it would be an awful shame if she got busted trying to use it! So it was quite unfortunate for Nelson when one day, while hiking in the mountains, he slipped and fell and nearly fell right off the cliff! He surely would have had zero chance of surviving such a fall! He cried for help while dangling over the edge. But no one came.

EXCEPT - a little groundhog, who didn't know any better and who had nothing better to do, showed up and studied the situation.

"Please help me! HELP ME!" screamed Nelson at the little furry guy, and the sweet little gopher moved in closer.

He grabbed Nelson's hand and pulled and pulled, but the more Nelson thought about it, the more he realized the groundhog wasn't trying to pull him up - he was trying to break his grip so he'd fall to his death! And that's exactly what happened and now everyone's searching for that groundhog to give him an award!

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