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A Friend In The Woods
Daniel W. Kneip
I know you'd think I'm crazy, but I met the friendliest wicked witch the other
day and she even had a four-legged cat! Which blew my mind!
I was just walking through the forest, but really foraging for hidden berries
(as I am a man of generous proportions, good Doctor Elrod has confined me to a
diet of strictly fruits and vegetables in hope that I will, if steadfast upon
the regiment, slim down immeasurably).
But this is when I saw a menacing smoke screen come billowing out of nowhere and
the witch I previously spoke of, dressed in a black gown and cape reminiscent of
something my friend said she was going to wear at my funeral, came lumbering
toward me with searing red eyes! Actually, I had to double check to make sure
that this beast coming closer WASN'T my friend! My friends are known to be very
sneaky and creepy.
Her skin was devilishly green and awful and she gave me the chills just to look
at her! So imagine my surprise when she approached me in a wisp, and offered me
"They're hot and sweet," she smiled and a tooth almost fell out! "And believe it
or not, I made them just for you!" she cackled and drooled.
Well I DID believe it. And somehow, that wicked old witch new cookies were my
favorite treat in the whole wide world.
So I took the cookie and she stood there, menacingly proud I noticed, but proud
nonetheless, and I barely savored the gem. All I remember is after I ate it, I
got to thinking that that witch wasn't so bad after all!
And she actually started to look prettier, too! Like a reeeeal cutie-pie!
She walked with me, hand in hand, quite a sight I must admit, through the
forest. And she even led me to a wonderful little cottage, seemingly in the
middle of nowhere. I looked up among the mass of trees that limbered and was
actually quite puzzled to see not a single bird in the entire vicinity. Amazing
to me. In such a cozy little nook, a bird did not dare.
But I surely dared and my new friend was so sweet to entice me.
Suddenly, something came over me. It really was a chill. The wind had kicked up
and the witch, strangely enough possessing the most perfect wisdom at exactly
the most pristine times, decided we should step inside the dank cottage to toast
But it was dark and cold in that cottage, nearly more so than it was outside!
"I'll surely freeze!" I told her, to which she rubbed her chin in forethought.
She hardly had to speak a word before she snapped her long, boney fingers and
with an evil twitch of her sweet witch eye, she came up with a great idea!
She turned on the oven and told me it would be warm in there! So I climbed in
and you know what? She was so right!
And it sure is nice to have friends!
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