The Writers Voice
The World's Favourite Literary Website

The Surreal IRA.


DK O'Donnell


An alarming new development was revealed in Northern Ireland with the announcement that a splinter group calling itself 'The Surreal IRA' is about to launch a campaign of extreme silliness. Already, around the province, posters have been appearing bearing a crude drawing of a cylindrical object with the words "This is not a pipe bomb" written underneath.

A spokesman for the group, Salvador McClarnon, (not his real name) said: "We are fed up with the present batch of yahoos running about who are giving shadowy terror organisations a bad name. The SIRA is about getting back to the underlying cause of our troubles, namely 'partition'. I don't mean the separation of the six counties from the rest, I'm talking about a much more drastic act which took place centuries ago when Finn McCool tore up a piece of land and threw it into the sea. Our demand is that the so-called 'Isle of Man' be brought back and replaced in the hole now occupied by Lough Neagh. We will never be free 'til we have a 33 county republic."

I spoke to the president of their political wing (Silly Sinn Fein), Seamus O'Dali, who was kicking a bandaged violin along the gutter. "We realise, of course, that with centuries of erosion the island has changed shape and we will either have to trim it to fit or divide it into sections like a jigsaw puzzle."

Meanwhile, in the Manx capital, Douglas, concerned residents have formed an organisation to oppose the SIRA. "The IOMDA are determined that our heritage be defended. We are proud of the fact that we have the oldest parliament in the world, as well as tail-less cats, and we not tolerate any geographical relocation of our island. If Mr O'Dali continues with his ludicrous demands, I will go over there personally and 'sort him out'." Said their leader - Neuroticus Fairbanks The Third.

On hearing this, the president of SSF began to sing " Que. SIRA SIRA, whatever will be, will be." twirled his waxed moustache and gazed vacantly for a moment before retorting, "Oh aye? - Tell him to bring his Da!"

Critique this work

Click on the book to leave a comment about this work

All Authors (hi-speed)    All Authors (dialup)    Children    Columnists    Contact    Drama    Fiction    Grammar    Guest Book    Home    Humour    Links    Narratives    Novels    Poems    Published Authors    Reviews    September 11    Short Stories    Teen Writings    Submission Guidelines

Be sure to have a look at our Discussion Forum today to see what's
happening on The World's Favourite Literary Website.