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Tragically Hip


Corinne Grech-Linkous

I went shopping today, oh happy day! I was trying on one of those nearly see-through, super thin, gauzy-type sweaters, the kind you wear a tank top underneath. I picked out a white sweater and a black tank top. I thought this could be a cute going-out look while still being covered up.

The medium was too big, but the small was too tight. How much variation do we really need in sizes? I don't think an anorexic midget could have fit into the small, and an obese giant would be swimming in the medium.

I had to weigh my options here. Will people think I look like hip pregnant woman in the medium? Because no matter how "hip" I might look, "pregnant" is not a word I want to be immediately following the word "hip" when describing me. However, in the small, I was busting out of the seams. What if I am bloated the day I wear the sweater? I don't need my see-through sweater capturing tummy-overhang over top of my low rider jeans. I also don't need my back fat showing from my too tight push-up bra which I'm spilling out of the sides. The only way I seem to get pushed up, is my wearing a 32 AA (you do what you gotta do in the name of cleavage, I say!).

Maybe I should put the sweater back, you say. Of course not! This gives me a perfect excuse to accessorize with lots and lots of jewelry to detract from my "hip pregnant" look. Haha. I went for the medium, and NO, I'm not pregnant

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