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Family Loyalty...how far should it go?
Something went horribly wrong with my family when I was about six years old. It
concerned a matter that had to do with my Dad and my sister's best friend. That
girl was eight. I heard scary unfamiliar words such as judge, lawyer and court.
What did they think he did to her?
Thank goodness at that age you cannot think of all the sordid possibilities. He
went to court and came home the same day. So, in my young mind, there was no
question about his innocence.
After that court date, my Dad developed a substance abuse problem...alcohol.
During one of theses binges, he confessed to his AA sponsor that he was guilty
of molesting that little girl years before. He just lucked out by having a good
lawyer. My Mother became his self-imposed jailer. He stayed on the wagon for
many years till my Mother died and in an alcoholic blitz, he sexually molested
two of his young neighbor girls. The man then proceeded to drink himself into
oblivion and died. Frankly, taking the coward's way out.
When I got married, I thought I had gotten away from all that. I felt comforted
thinking I finally had a stable family, to look up to! Oh brother was I wrong.
The first hint of trouble came when my husband's uncle was arrested for
allegedly molesting his Granddaughter. Many members of this family did not
believe the victim. I had a very good reason for thinking he did it. You see,
Uncle Tim had tried to solicit sexual favors from me some time before. When I
told my husband about getting propositioned by his uncle, he asked me, "What do
you want me to do about it? Do you want me to cause a ruckus and get everyone
The next ugly incident to show itself had to do with Uncle Pete. We heard Uncle
Pete had moved out west and when he arrived there he was promptly arrested by
the Federal Marshals and transported back to Minnesota for allegedly molesting
two of his daughters. His oldest daughter Jane had gotten wind somehow that her
Dad, Uncle Pete, was molesting her younger half sister! So she stepped out of
the dark at the risk of being shunned or excommunicated by the family for
speaking out. Jane told the authorities she was sexually molested from the age
of three until she was fourteen, when she had finally had enough and said "No
More"! Her brother saw at least one time when his father did some unspeakable
sexual act to his sister. When Jane had told an aunt and uncle what was
happening to her during that time period, in which she was being molested, she
was told to keep her thoughts to herself because her Dad could go to prison for
saying such things. Her Dad received a three year sentence for his heinous
crimes but served only two.
After the arrest of her Dad, things got very rough for Jane. Threating phone
calls. There were notes left on her car telling her she had better stop her
lying. She was not invited to family functions and one family member confronted
her in a parking lot and told her to...knock off the lies, she was just mad at
her boyfriend for taking her virginity and was trying to blame someone else. To
this day, a lot of family members thing she is lying.
Cousin Phillip and cousin Stan was arrested for molesting young girls some time
later. There were two more uncles that give off the impression that there is
something very dark hidden beneath the surface. This family I married into
reprimanded none of these people for their actions. Instead, what they did was
to ignore these incidents and/or these pedophile were defended.
Surprised at how so many Child Molester could be in one family? I think I may
have found the answer when I talked to Jane. When Jane and her sister was very
young, their Grandfather sexually molested both of them in one night. This old
man was a Child Molester; he seemed to spread it from generation to generation.
What a horrible legacy to hand down. What these pedophile do, cannot be seen by
the naked eye. It is the victim who must carry this burden the rest of their
Even though my Father never touched me sexually, he left deep scars by what he
had done. So, I consider myself part of this tragic group. We have to learn how
to control these emotions instead of the emotions controlling us; by using
therapy and sometimes medication! We the victims are serving a life sentence
without the possibility of parole. I think the answer is not in stiffer
penalties but in preventive measures . If you strike a huge dent in the wall of
child abuse you will undoubtedly stop future abusers .
Author of: I'm Not That Way Anymore
Published by: Publish America
"To Stop Child Abuse Before It Happens"
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