The Writers Voice
A Friend Of Mine
Love was one of the words that was missing in my early teen years. My love life was really boring. I had never been in love. The only love I felt was for my parents, my brothers, my relatives and my friends. I didn't know why, but I felt really lonely during those early years of my teens. I loved reading romance novels and I often dreamed of my "Prince Charming" or my "knight in shining armor" coming to my rescue. But no one came in my real life. I was always on the lookout for cute guys, always hoping that a day would come that I would finally meet him. But that day never came. It never came, because the person I was looking for was right there all along. He was right there in front of me but I was too blind to see him. He was a friend of mine; let's just call him Ace. An accident happened that made me realize that he was the one. He was rushed to a hospital because of an accident that nearly killed him and my friends. During those days that he was absent from school, I realized that I was missing him. And when he finally showed up, I was so happy and relieved that he was safe.
He was then courting a girl named Pauline. Before the accident, I was one of his friends who helped him court the girl. And because of that I felt sad and I hated myself for that. I didn't know what I felt whenever I saw him with Pauline. Until one day I confided to my friend Lui, and she told me that I was jealous and that I was in love with Ace. I couldn't believe it! How could I not see it? But it was too late. He was in love with Pauline and I couldn't do anything about it. Then one day I found out that Pauline dumped him because she was not yet ready for a serious relationship. Ace was devastated. And I was really angry with Pauline for causing him so much pain. But I could not do anything without revealing my true feelings. And I was so afraid to let him know because I was not his type of girl. He can never love me because I do not possess the qualities that he liked in a girl. And I will never do anything to ruin our friendship.
So me and my girlfriends kept it secret. Even though I know that Ace can never love me, I can't help but hope that he might see me as me. Then one day, as myself and my friends were watching TV in a friend's house, he arrived with a girl, whom he introduced to us as the new girl he was courting. Her name was Roanne. I felt so lost and I felt my heart ache as I saw him with Roanne. But his courtship didn't last long. He was bored because they didn't see each other very often. And his feelings for her suddenly disappeared. I didn't know what or how I would feel about it. But deep down, I know I was happy because I was hoping that I'm the one for him. I kept my feelings for him secret for a year. But then the worst thing happen. It was during our intramurals when two of my friends, Lui and Yasmin, told me that Ace is again in love with a girl named Giselle. She was in love with Ace since our first year. I was soooo devastated by what I heard. Ace courted Giselle for seven years, and then they became boyfriend and girlfriend.
I decided to end my fantasies. Because my feelings for Ace were only a dream that could never come true. Ace and Giselle's relationship was a rollercoaster. They often fought, and I always saw Ace with a tearful eye. I want to ease his pain but I know I cannot and I don't have the right. Until now I don't know what to do. I don't know how to forget about him. But I know I can never do that, especially now that he and Giselle are having a fight. I'm so confused, do I need to forget him? Or do I have to prove my feelings for him? I know he needs someone right now. But I don't know what to do. All I know is that I'm in love with a friend of mine.
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