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Angst, Anger and Agony - Mark Mitchell

 
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Harry
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Joined: 15 Jan 2004
Posts: 2505
Location: New York

PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 3:38 pm    Post subject: Angst, Anger and Agony - Mark Mitchell Reply with quote

Have you been to see someone about this, Mr. Mitchell?

I don't know why you've decided to put these sentiments into rhyme, it seems to get in the way of your purpose -- I hate to say it but it's almost humorous.

There's one line that says a lot, >>Everyone concentrates on their problems, no one’s ever concerned with me<< That says to me the whole family has the same problem.
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Mark,

This is the first of your writing that I've been able to read, so I'm not sure if this is "your" feelings, or the persona’s. However, a poem of this nature normally comes across better if written in 3rd person. And, I'd vary my rhyme scheme a bit (try AbAb) so the reader has time to rest between the hard rhymes, and consequently think about the content, perhaps even relate a bit, instead of feeling as though someone else's thoughts are being forced into their heads. I apologize for not having time to read your other works, but I'm currently feeling a little overwhelmed and underappreciated myself. Confused
Linda

PS, One thing is certain...things have got to get better in 2005! Wink
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Mark,

I just finished reading your other poetry. I particularly liked "Passion Renewed". You have an excellent ability to capture some pretty strong emotion. Last year we had a visiting poet on campus. I don't have a copy of her book with me, or I'd send you one of her poems. However, during the reading, she told us that it had taken her over 10 years to write this poem. I understood.

I've been working on one titled "Le Dragon". I started the poem in 2000, but I'm still unable to finish. It deals with my father's battle with cancer at MD Anderson in Houston, TX. So, be encouraged. You finished a poem that expressed some deep emotional pain and you felt comfortable enough to post it before the year was out! Excellent work! Smile

Linda
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