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Switzerland Island - Janice Wu

 
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Linda
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Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 12:18 pm    Post subject: Switzerland Island - Janice Wu Reply with quote

Hi Janice,

Ok. First of all, a good story has to be believable. Your story has three ladies who tell us from their dialog that they are not the sharpest tools in the wood shed. Then, you place these ladies in a jet plane, with one of them as the pilot! Next, the jet plane crashes and the only descriptions we have of the catastrophe are "a stupendous splash and din." Then, you tell us the girls "decide to drag their water-laden suitcases to shore..." I find it hard to believe that they could fly a jet plane, much less find their suitcase after the thing went down. Finally, you expect us to believe they ride dolphins to another remote island, where, for survival I presume, they all run for the one and only coconut on the one and only tree. Rolling Eyes

Well, my dear. I think you need to either scratch this one, or revise (in a major way), unless, of course, you’re writing a comic strip. Wink

Oh, btw, if you decide to revise, I think you could easily scratch the first paragraph, smarten the chicks up a bit, and carefully proofread before posting. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Linda
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