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Life's Labyrinth - Ofavon

 
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Linda
Site Admin


Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1024
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2004 2:41 pm    Post subject: Life's Labyrinth - Ofavon Reply with quote

Wow! I like where you went with this, Ofavon.

A few suggestions: One of the world’s worse beginnings: The night was dark and dreary! You can cut the first sentence since the room was not really dark and empty.

Try: A single light hung from a black cord over a small wooden table. The small yellow glow illuminated the labyrinth parchment -- a bewildering maze of pathways. (or your own revision)

Another suggestion: Reluctantly, the old man followed the Gatekeeper as he was leaving the room….

The rest of the work is very good! I look forward to reading more of your work.

Linda
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poet_smith
Poster Want-2-B


Joined: 04 Nov 2004
Posts: 5
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An excellent use of simile in a very thought provoking piece. The thesis is definitely akin to Frost’s The Road Not Taken.
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